Submitted by
cprice last May 1st 2010, 07:05 AM
I'm not open about my homosexuality yet. I'm 22 and I've lived with my best friend in the same dorms for about 4 years now. At the beginning i was attracted to him. I mean yes i find him handsome like many others. But with him it was more about the chemistry.. his smell .. his existence in the same place, i mean still drives me crazy.
Hi is not gay, or so i have concluded. But in prior occasions he was usually ok with putting my hand on his shoulder or maybe giving him a cheek kiss. With time he has become more reluctant. His for years older than me and he has never had good chance with a girl although he tries.
The problem is that when he talks to a girl or mentions anyone of them in front of me IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.. i love him and ofcourse i feel jealous... its just an instinctive reaction that i cant control. I dont show how wat i feel, i just say calm and laugh.
Lately, its really bothering me, the fact that i have to remain silent is killing me slowly. I cant tell him the truth because he will freak out. I cant make a move ill ruin my friendship and i cant afford that.
How does one deal with this. This is like hell for me and i have no one to talk to about it
